Language, manipulation and illusions


Human beings are very creative when it comes to communicate with each other. Normally people want to communicate. When somebody doesn’t use the various possibilities in communication anymore, something’s wrong. That doesn’t mean you have to be worried when your friend, child, husband or wife takes some time for him or herself. But when someone is quiet for a long time, you might consider to ask what’s going wrong.

The real pain, hurt and worries come, when your dear one doesn’t seem to talk the same language as you are using, while you do use the same words and sentences. When you get the idée, that you seem to talk to someone from another planet, when you and your dear-one start to argue when words like: love, help, friendship, freedom seems to become the root of the arguing, it might be possible that language manipulation has had a role in a starting miscommunication.

In cases where destructive cults have done their work on creating the “invisible barrier of miscommunication”, this kind of “ not-understanding each other” will be the beginning of the end of the contact between you and your dear one. Many relationships have been ended by this dangerous kind of language manipulation, often done by destructive cults. But, being an exitcounselor I have the opinion that I see it also happen with young victims of so called loverboys.

The manipulation never touches the real heart of a person…but it does destroy every possibility to have a normal loving contact with another person outside the structure…and that hurts. In most destructive cults, it is a common rule not to have emotional bonds with someone else. Not with someone outside the cult, but also not with someone inside the cult. That is because cults know that two people are stronger than one person and when people start to talk about the inconsistencies they feel within the cult, the structure of the cult is in danger.


Every day we are being manipulated: by advertisements, media etc. But that’s not the kind of manipulation I’m talking about. When I write about manipulation, I’m pointing at a bunch of psycho-tricks that are able to let people lose their own identity and let their own identity even being replaced by another one: the so-called:


I would like to describe the existence of these phenomena as a kind of imperialism. Ages ago ( and it still happens), mankind had the weird habit to colonise countries, expel people out of their houses. Now there exist structures (cults) that try to expel people out of their heads. That’s a scary idea…..but it does exist. It is this danger I’m talking about, when I write about the possible impact of coerceived persuasion techniques…or brainwash techniques.

The success key of this bunch of psycho-tricks, cults use to get people in their structure and keep them there can be described by the word: “graduality”.

To illustrate the word “graduality”: When you would (not to be done in reality with a real frog please)throw a frog into hot water, the frog would immediately jump-out of the hot water. But…if you would put the frog into a can of warm water, it would stay..enjoying the nice warmth that is surrounding the it…and if you would gradually heat the water, the frog would only notice the danger of becoming boiled when it is to late: the frog will be too down, having too little energy to get out of that can…

Once people are in the closed world of a destructive cult, the process of isolating them from the rest of the world and the creation of their new identity and attitude conforming the rules of the cult, will go on…even more intensive and successful than before.

More successful, because:

  • they have surrendered,
  • have nearly any resistance left and
  • they have no possibilities to do any reality testing (with the family/friends outside the cult) anymore on the “bullshit”(aaccording to my perveption) that is being put into their head.

The closed structure will not allow any real criticism or deep emotional contact with critical thinking minds outside the cult. They don’t even want to see any real emotional attachment between the people within the cult. Why? Well…because this would be a threat to existence of the cult-structure.

According to the experience of one of my clients, coming from MOL, the MOL seems to have found a cruel ( I think ) solution to the sometimes growing attachments between people inside the structure: They will tell them f. i. that for finding the way “ home”(in MOL-terms this means god..after-life, according to my understanding of it)they have to let go of this kind of attachment…Love and friendship are, according to MOL-principles, just “illusions”. To “help” people let go of their boy/girl-friend, they’ll give them “ guidance”.

That guidance, although the word itself sounds nice, seems to be in case of letting go, nothing else than real psychological torture and abuse. That’s at least how I understand the story of some clients in my praxis.

There are other cults, known to me, which show a same kind of, what I think of as a cruel activity like this “guidance of the MOL”. They also associate that cruelty with a nice word….And that seems to be..again..a language-manipulation-trick to create “the invisible barrier of miscommunication”.


MOL seems to call nearly every human feeling or human activity an illusion. Every little feeling and every little action that has a connection with the world outside MOL is by my knowledge being labelled as an illusion. Other cults cover these activities with another expression for example: “ not being enlightened yet”.

Whatever word they give these normal feelings and activities, they all suggest that these feelings and activities are inferior to the way of life within the cult and that they will obstruct to reach the “ real” goal in life.

Why would certain structures do that?

Well: Because these feelings and activities are connected to your own identity, your own existence as a human being. This connection between the world outside the cult and your own identity, stimulated by remembrance of youth, life as it was before the cult etc….gives people the possibility to do a reality-testing on everything they do/have “learned” within the cult. This reality-testing will expose misleading parts of the cult-education and undermine the impact of brainwash. That fact is a threat for the existence of any cult-structure.

According to my perception,

Sjoukje Drenth-Bruintjes, counseler / coach, exitcounselor, speaker and sportsconsultant ©